Is he spending more time checking himself out in the mirror than paying attention to you?

Despite the old adage that you must love yourself before you love others, new research shows that too much self-love--or narcissism--can seriously hurt your prospects of having long-term, committed relationships.

But for narcissists, that may not necessarily be a bad thing, lead author Dr. W. Keith Campbell of the University of Georgia in Athens told Reuters Health.

In order to maintain their dominance during romantic relationships, Campbell and his colleagues found that many narcissists tend to resort to game-playing, such as keeping partners uncertain about their commitment, being unfaithful and keeping secrets.

"If you're looking for a committed relationship, it's usually a mistake" to pair up with a narcissist, Campbell advised.

Narcissists have distinct personality traits, he said, which are often recognizable to others. Importantly, people who are narcissistic have a very high opinion of themselves, deeming themselves to be smarter, more attractive and more dominant than others, the researcher noted.

It is difficult to estimate how many people are narcissistic, Campbell added, because the trait appears as a continuum: many people have certain narcissistic qualities, with some having more than others, he explained. Narcissism also appears slightly more often in men than in women, the researcher said.

Despite the fact that narcissists may not be so fun to have around in the long-term, Campbell added that a short-term fling might be great: narcissists often seek attention from others, and can stretch the spotlight over to their significant others, as well. Furthermore, people with overly high self-esteem constantly seek validation from others, and can be quite charming to procure it, he added.

But eventually, the power-maintaining strategies of narcissists can become frustrating to their partners, who in most cases, will end the relationship, Campbell explained. "People usually figure this out later, and they end the relationship. And think--'why did I date this person?"' he said.

And for narcissists, being broken up with can be just fine, Campbell added: often, they have already been cheating on their partners, and consequently have another person with whom they can link up right away.

Campbell and his colleagues linked narcissism to game-playing through a series of experiments, reported in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

During the experiments, the researchers questioned between 45 and more than 100 college students about their personalities and relationship styles, as well as those of their partners, both in previous and current relationships.

Campbell's team found that, along with being more prone to game-playing, narcissists tend to not feel companionship and trust during a relationship, and are often pragmatic when dealing with their partners.

Furthermore, narcissists who are inclined to play games with their partners are also less likely to be committed to the relationship, and possibly seek out other relationships on the side.

©365Gay.com Ltd® 2004

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