When you have everything going for you - looks, brains, money, Chia pet, lava lamp, everything Ralph Lauren ever made - finding true romance is primarily a matter of selecting the right pickup line. Unfortunately, with so many different lines to choose from, matching an appropriate line to any given potential scoring situation can be more difficult than you would think. Of course, I would be the wrong person to ask, because I still haven't found one that works, but I've found plenty that don't work, which will at least help you figure out what not to say.

There are four common pickup line engagement strategies used when pursuing sex, as follows:

The Direct Approach

Everyone is familiar with this technique, or lack thereof. Basically it amounts to "putting your cards on the table," "getting to the point," "laying it on the line," "telling it like it is," and, in a nutshell, being honest.

• Wanna fuck?
• Could you spare a few dollars? I can't pay my bar tab.
• I wanna put my thingy into your thingy (or vice versa).
• No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
• I just threw up.
• I'm out of Viagra, can I use you instead?
• Yo, my friend likes you.

• You'll do.
• Nice [body part], mind if I fondle it for a while?
• You don't sweat much for a fat person.
• The more I drink, the sexier you get!
• Oh excuse me! I thought you were a moose.
• What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?
• You have the ass of a great artist.
• I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!

• If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
• I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
• Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
• We look sooo cute together!
• Stand still so I can pick you up!

• I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
• If I were you, I'd have sex with me.
• You know, if you were naked, you'd look just like Michelangelo's David.
• Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?
• I've been noticing you not noticing me.
• If I told you I just shaved my butt, would you screw me?
• The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
• Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

©365Gay.com Ltd® 2004

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